2nd day

Woke up about 1300hr with that heavy thick headed desperation that comes from remembering that yet again its another day of being a smack head, not that I really sleep properley anyways, for example, last night I slept for 10 hours, the longest sleep I've had in weeks but, the dreams, the fears and fightts of everyday life haunt all my dreams when I'm on smack, they go when I leave it alone for a whiles, but as soon as soon as I'm in the grip, they come right back. As I slip from the junk induced bliss into sleep I fight every enemy I have, from that cheap scum shit shagging dealer who tried to scare me with a kitchen knife the other month, right down to the devil himself, passing through the many strata of people who would try to hurt me, The worst are the dreams of prison, trying to escape, maybe find a fix, ore dealing with the kind of mad psycho cell mate who would stick his dick in your eye for some minor infringement of cell etiquette, like maybe not giving him a smoke or perhaps telling him to fuck himself when he demands satisfaction. What really pisses me is this, when I was a kid, in my dreams if I had an enemy, id realise I was asleep if it was really scary, and I could jump over houses to escape, or make lazer beams come from my eyes, but those dreams of flying died with my soul, now even with my ju jitsu training and understanding of anatomy, when I'm in my dreams, I can't get the strength to throw a punch that could kill a fly, if I try to use a sliding choke I don't have the strength to hold it, I guess I could analyse this shit for years but what good would it do. The only answer right now is to get clean again, fuck it, I'm gonna try again, maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow!